史上最烂发明：宠物爱抚器、扇子筷叉、美甲鞋

 感谢发明家，让我们的生活如此便利，但是并不是每一项发明都值得庆祝，比如下面的发明。

Creative types often dream of coming up with the next must-have gadget that will earn them a fortune.
爱创造的人总是梦想着发明出能够让自己大赚一笔的必备神器。

But innovation isn't always something to be celebrated, if these ridiculous inventions are anything to go by.
但是发明并不总是值得庆祝，如果以下这些令人哭笑不得的发明也算发明的话。

People have been sharing examples of the most preposterous devices online, from a machine that pets your dog so you can save yourself the trouble to shoes with ready-painted toenails for when you're feeling lazy.
人们在网上分享了最荒谬的发明，从爱抚狗狗的机器到让你偷懒的“涂好指甲油”的鞋子。

Others have tried to revolutionise trusty kitchen gadgets such as the pizza cutter with very dubious results, while someone invented a fan that attaches to your chopsticks or cutlery to cool down food that's too hot.
其他人还试图彻底改变可靠的厨房用具，比如效果可疑的披萨切割刀，以及固定在筷子或刀叉上的扇子，用来吹凉太烫的食物。

Fashion isn't safe either with the invention of a tape measure belt that shows how trim or otherwise your waistline is and 'underpants' for your hands.
连时尚也不能幸免。有人发明出了显示腰围的腰带，还有人给双手发明了“内裤”。

Who wants a pet that you can't pet? Apparently thought there's a market for a device aimed at people who can't be bothered to stroke their dogs
如果你不能爱抚自己的宠物，那养宠物做什么？显然，发明者认为有这样一群人连自己的狗狗都懒得抚摸。

In a hurry to eat dinner? A fan you can attach to your chopsticks will make sure you don't risk burning your tongue
急着吃晚餐？把扇子固定在筷子上，这样你就不会烫到你的舌头了。

Too lazy to paint your toenails? No matter how badly you need a pedicure, it's doubtful that these shoes are going to make a much better impression
懒得涂脚趾甲？不管你多么需要修指甲，这样的鞋能否给你的形象加分还真是令人怀疑。

There'll be no more embarrassing moments in Japanese restaurants with this cutlery-chopstick hybrid
有了这种刀叉和筷子的合成物，在日本餐厅你再也不会尴尬了。

If it ain't broke! Most have a pizza cutter in their drawer for a very good reason and those that don't can just use a knife
如果厂家不破产的话，多数人都很有理由在自己的抽屉里备上一把披萨切割刀，如果没有的话，你可以直接用一把普通的刀来切披萨。

Gained at Weight Watchers this week? Why not advertise your disappointment to the world with a belt that keeps track of your waistline
本周在慧俪轻体机构发现自己变重了？为什么不用这种记录你腰围的腰带把你的失望广而告之？

Phones can now play music, take photos, run countless apps and apparently give you a shave in the mornings
手机现在可以播放音乐、拍照、运行数不清的应用，显然还可以在早上为你刮胡子。

If you're not limber enough to undo your own bra, perhaps there are bigger concerns to attend to than rushing out to buy this clapping activated device
如果你手脚不够灵活不能解开文胸，也许除了跑去买这个解文胸激活装置外，你还有其他更重要的事需要担心。

Do not disturb: This 'screen privacy' hoodie supposedly blocks unwanted attention but is likely to have the opposite effect
不要打扰：这种“隐私屏蔽”帽衫据说可以挡掉不想要的关注，但也可能产生反效果。

Snack happy! Ensure you never go hungry with a pouch that allows you to take a slice of pizza everywhere you go
欢乐的小吃时间！这个袋子让你走到哪里也不怕挨饿，因为你可以从袋子里取出一片披萨来吃。

Didn't they get the memo? When you spend all your time inventing underpants for the hands only to discover that gloves exist, the disappointment much be huge
他们没有备忘录吗？当你花了那么多时间给手发明内裤后，你会发现有手套这种东西，你那时候一定超级失望。

Waste not a moment! If you like every second of your life to be non-stop entertainment, then toilet golf is the device for you
一秒钟也不浪费！如果你希望生命中的每一秒钟都是不停地在娱乐，那么厕所高尔夫很适合你。

Paranoid much? This device allows you to go through life without touching anything!
太偏执了吧？这个小工具让你无论走到哪里，都不会碰到任何东西！

Not such a jean-ius idea: Surprisingly these denim flip flop wedges have not been seen on the haute couture catwalk
在牛仔时装界这个主意不是太高明：令人惊讶的是这种牛仔拖鞋没有出现在高级时装的T台上。

英文来源：每日邮报
翻译&编辑：丹妮