请别理我的T恤衫说什么

如今，越来越多的T恤衫上印有文字，穿好了是时尚，是彰显个性，穿不好就是尴尬。很多时候，人们购买T恤衫时并不会认真去看上面印的文字，因此有时就会遇到尴尬的情况，比如路人会误解你的政治倾向并怒目相视，又或者就你根本不知道的东西滔滔不绝起来。想要避免这种情况，下次当你挑T恤衫时，看一眼上面印的东西吧。

By Robert Klose

赵云舒 选 温纯 注

The man slapped me on the back and said, “So, tell me about Kleer .”

I threw him a questioning look. Picking up on this, he pointed and said, “Your T-shirt.”

I looked down and read its message: “Kleer—Think Beyond Wood.”

Oh!

The deal is this: I buy my T-shirts at the local thrift shop. Fifty cents for a tee in crisp, clean condition. What a bargain! The message on the shirt is of little importance to me. Once I’ve bought the shirt, I forget about it. This means that I am often taken off guard when others note whatever it is I’m inadvertently advertising. The responses aren’t always of the back-slapping kind.

Consider the man who growled at me when he noted my bright green tee: “You liberals are all alike!” he said.

The back of my shirt read: “Fair contract. Now!” I had no idea what it pertained to. No matter. In the eyes of the offended man, I was a liberal. And I was like all other liberals. Whatever that means.

Another fellow clucked his tongue and said, sourly, “You do know you’re in Red Sox country, right?” It was only then that I remembered I was wearing a Yankees T-shirt. All I could do was nod in response.

But most of the messages I carry do not elicit anything resembling hostility or even a frown. If people comment at all, it mostly reflects approbation, if not enthusiasm. I have a striking red tee with the white Polish eagle emblazoned on the front, along with the word “Polska.” One day, while strolling across the campus where I teach, a robust bear of a student threw his arm around my shoulder and exclaimed, “Brother!” He told me he was from Russia and that we Slavs have to stick together. It so happens that I am of Polish ancestry, but I have never been much interested in alliances.

In another instance, I picked up a handsome tee that bore the logo of the American Folk Festival , held yearly in Bangor, Maine. In large letters across the back it read, “VOLUNTEER.” This elicited a comment from a pleasant woman: “Thank you for your time and effort.”

You’re welcome.

Other tees have stimulated lengthy, and pleasant, conversation. I have a spectacular T-shirt with a garish splattering of colorful fruits and vegetables on the front. The caption: “World’s Largest Fruit Salad—UMass Amherst.” This was the impetus for a wonderful exchange initiated by an organic farmer at one of our open-air markets here in Maine. It turns out he had attended UMass Amherst and knew all about the phenomenal salad. When he was done singing its praises I felt as if I had done a heroic deed simply by wearing the shirt.

Some of my tees bear messages attesting to accomplishments I can take no credit for. I am not a Cessna pilot. I did not take part in the Kenduskeag Stream Canoe Race in 2013. I have never walked the entire Appalachian Trail, and I do not speak Esperanto.

However, there are messages I do wish I could find, for they would reflect my experiences and sensibilities:

“I have visited Greenland.”

“Thoreau. Now more than ever.”

“Don’t let school interfere with your education.”

“Baking soda can be used for almost anything.”

But perhaps, trumping all of these, I should settle for a message of rote candor, to wit: “This is not my shirt. I bought it at a thrift shop.”

That would, I think, keep everybody honest.

Vocabulary

1. slap: 拍打。

2. Kleer: 一种无线音频传输技术。

3. pick up on: 注意、觉察。

4. thrift shop: <美>旧货店。

5. crisp: 干净的，整洁的。

6. 这就代表，每当有人注意到我不经意间“广告”的东西时，我总是措手不及。off guard: 放松警惕，猝不及防；inadvertently: 无心地，不经意地。

7. growl: 愤愤不平地抱怨，气冲冲地说；liberal: 自由主义者。

8. pertain to: 相关，关于。

9. cluck: 发出（表示生气或不赞同的）咯咯声；sourly: 酸溜溜地，没好气地；Red Sox: 波士顿红袜队，隶属于美国联盟东区的美国职棒大联盟球队；country: 地区。

10. Yankees: 纽约扬基队，世界最著名的体育俱乐部之一，隶属于美国联盟东区的美国职棒大联盟球队。

11. 很多时候我衣服上印的文字不会招致别人的反对甚至不悦。elicit: 引起，招来；hostility: 反对；frown: 皱眉（表示不悦或不认可）。

12. approbation: 认可，赞许。

13. 我有一件鲜红色的T恤衫，前面印有一只白色的波兰老鹰以及一个波兰单词“Polska”。striking: 引人注目的；emblazon: 用纹章装饰；Polska: 波兰语的“Poland”。

14. stroll: 闲逛，漫步；exclaim: 大叫，惊呼。

15. Slav: 斯拉夫人。

16. 碰巧我有波兰血统，但我对老乡联盟实在没什么兴趣。ancestry: 祖先，世系；alliance: 联盟。

17. American Folk Festival: 美国民间音乐节。

18. garish: 炫目的，过于艳丽的；splattering: 泼溅，洒落。

19. caption: 说明文字；UMass Amherst: 马萨诸塞大学阿默斯特分校（University of Massachusetts Amherst）。

20. 在缅因州一个露天市场，一位有机菜农因这行文字与我展开了一场有趣的交流。impetus: 动力；initiate: 发起。

21. phenomenal: 非凡的，了不起的。

22. attest to: 证明；take credit for sth.: 把某事归功于某人。

23. Cessna: 赛斯纳飞行器公司，一家位于美国堪萨斯州的飞机制造商。

24. Kenduskeag Stream Canoe Race: 肯达斯奇格溪流独木舟比赛。

25. Appalachian Trail: 阿巴拉契亚国家步道，是美国最长的徒步旅行步道之一是美国阿巴拉契亚山脉的一条小路；Esperanto: 世界语，是波兰籍语言学家柴门霍夫博士于1887年创立的一种国际辅助语，旨在消除国际交往的语言障碍，被誉为“国际普通话”。

26. Thoreau: 亨利•戴维•梭罗（Henry David Thoreau，1817—1862），美国作家、哲学家，代表作为《瓦尔登湖》。

27. interfere with: 干预，干涉。

28. 但我个人认为，位居所有这些口号之首的也许是一句坦诚之言，那就是：非本人T恤衫，从二手店淘来。trump: 胜过；settle for: 满足于，勉强接受；rote: 熟记，死记硬背；candor: 坦率；to wit: 那就是说，即是。